With Democratic speakers cleaning his clock this week, Donald Trump flew Vladimir Putin in for a secret meeting. To avoid being seen, the dictator and the dictator-wannabe entered Trump Tower disguised as human beings.
Once in his apartment, Trump sat on his golden throne and Putin sat on his horse.
TRUMP: Vladimir, you’re my favorite human rights oppressor since Paul Pot.
PUTIN: It’s Pol Pot, not Paul Pot… and he was never the governor of New Jersey.
TRUMP: No? Whatever. I just want to reward you with a special gift to cement our future collusion.
PUTIN: And I’ll be glad to return the favor.
TRUMP: I’d really like a gross of those poison-tipped umbrellas you use.
PUTIN: Done deal. Like America, we have no problem letting insane people have lethal weapons. You certainly qualify.
TRUMP: Thanks for noticing… What would you like?
PUTIN: Well, could I have Ivanka?
TRUMP: Vladimir, she’s already married. And frankly if any older man is going to have her, it’s going to be me.
PUTIN: I can respect that, but don’t you have another daughter?
TRUMP: Not one I want to sleep with that much… But, yes, I do have another one, Sarah, no, Emily, uh, Deana maybe… let me get back to you on that… Here’s what I need to talk to you about. It’s come to my attention that almost 200 of my subjects don’t like me. How do I deal with them?
PUTIN: Build a gulag in the Everglades.
TRUMP: So the snakes and wild animals will kill them.
PUTIN: Right. But if they don’t, the humidity will.
TRUMP: Listen, if I can’t remember the other daughter’s name, how would you like the Baltic States, Austria and Detroit?
Putin: It’s a start.