Donald Trump, furious after getting his ass, which is often mistaken for his face, kicked by a woman in a debate, has threatened to go after Bill Clinton’s infidelities in the next presidential debate.
His advisors subtly asked him not to go there by saying, “Don’t go there, moron.” But Donald Trump is committed to promoting adultery. He first committed it at twelve years of age when his was unfaithful to his favorite pillow with a sofa cushion. His pillow, Estelle, caught on when she saw the sofa cushion wearing expensive jewelry.
Trump showed no empathy when Estelle developed a drinking problem.
Trump’s commitment to unfaithfulness grew over the years and he eventually won an election that made him President of Philanderers Local 165 of the International Adulterers Union.
The Republican candidate is proud that his portrait, paid for by funds from his nonexistent veterans’ charity, hangs next to portraits of Clint Eastwood, King Henry the Eighth and Secretariat.
Trump often brags about the good works Local 165 does. He seems most pleased with a program he instituted, “The Used Condom Recycling Initiative.” It benefits adulterers who earn less than thirty-five thousand dollars a year. Each condom has Trump’s face on it.
Showing that he cares about the poorest philanderers among us, the Trump Corporation is now building seventy-five Adultery 6 motels across the country.
Always thinking of what he can do to make America better, the billionaire also plans to build fifty Adultery 6 Express Motels for destitute premature ejaculators. All the somewhat sanitary rooms will come with complimentary coffee, crackers and anti-itch cream.
The Motel’s slogan will be, “We’ll keep a light off for you.”