Lost in this past weekend’s airport racist-athon was Kellyanne Conway’s expansion of the Trump Administration’s war on kindness and basic human decency.
Kellyanne awoke bright and early to prepare for her rounds on Sunday’s news shows. Knowing that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, she poured herself a bowl of her favorite cereal, Hitler Puffs.
After she’d eaten, she gave herself her daily shot of testosterone and then left for the Fox station, where she has an assigned space to park her broom.
While on the air, she told everyone that she could empathize with the people stranded in airports by Trump’s Executive Order which, she says, he thought out for almost thirty seconds before signing.
Conway said she knows what those people stuck in airports are going through because she had to wait in airports many times right after 9/11, and that sometimes the Admiral’s Club was crowded.
She added that she feels particularly bad for the trapped women because, “Like myself, the refugee women, can’t wait to get home and slip into a bubble bath.”
Conway was immediately nominated for the Steve Bannon ‘Insensitive as Hell” awards. This prestigious award has, in the past, been given to Joseph Stalin, Idi Amin, Papa Doc Duvalier and Paul Ryan.
The favorite for this year’s award was a great white shark named Sid who’d eaten twenty people. Upon learning that Kellyanne Conway was entering, Sid withdrew, stating that he had no shot to win against Satan’s prom date.
It is our sad duty to report that thanks to Kellyanne Conway, empathy and compassion are now on life-supports. A priest has been summoned.