Having completed his “Embarrass America Tour,” President Trump flew home from Italy on Saturday. The only good news he carried away from the entire trip was that his lips had almost healed from kissing King Salman’s and Prime Minister Netanyahu’s butts so often. Both men are still running high fevers.
Trump was in a foul mood upon arrival in Italy, having been told that he’s the most hated man in Europe since Hitler. He became defensive, snapping, “Hitler wasn’t all bad. He made the trains run on time.”
Steve Bannon told him it was Mussolini who made the trains on time. The President said, “I loved Mussolini. Have you ever seen anyone look better hanging upside down? He looked so good he should’ve been hanging in a deli.”
When Trump met with European leaders, they wanted to know why he wanted out of the Paris Accords that are meant to curtail greenhouse gasses.
Trump: Listen losers, China is the world’s number one producer of greenhouse gasses. I’m going to see to it that the USA out-pollutes everyone. America first.
Hours later, Presidential advisor Gary Cohn told the press that Trump hasn’t fully made up his mind about the Paris Accords. Cohn went on, saying, “Mr. Trump’s position on this is evolving and we expect that the President will be walking upright any day now.”
When the world leaders walked seven-hundred yards to have their picture taken, Trump, an out of shape blivet, rode in a golf cart.
Melania did the usual things that FLOTUSs do while wearing fifty-thousand dollar coats. She visited an orphanage, where she read to the children from the Dr. Seuss book written about her husband, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Chanukah, Ramadan, Kwanza and Festivus.”
After Trump left Italy, our allies issued a joint statement regarding Trump: Hillary Clinton was right. It takes a village idiot.
* Blivet – Ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag.