Kellyanne Conway, in hopes of selling the Senate Health Care Bill to people with functioning brains, has been promoting it to many people and some inanimate objects.
Before the Stalinesque legislation was pulled, she spoke with George Stephanopoulos and denied that the cuts to Medicaid are actually cuts. Maine Senator Susan Collins disagreed with the President’s advisor.
When a reporter told Conway of this, she became so furious that the hair on her feet stood up. Unable to control her fury, she bellowed, “Senator Collins is jealous of me because I just won the ‘Pennsylvania Beauty and Grinning Like an idiot Pageant.’ She knows that men wouldn’t whistle at her if she dropped quarters on a gym floor like I do.”
Reporter: Wait a minute. You purposely drop coins on the floor and bend over for men to see?
Conway: What’s the big deal? I’m always partially clothed.
Fighting nausea, the reporter turned back to health care, asking how President Trump responds to the charge that reducing Medicare will cause a great many deaths.
Conway: He doesn’t feel that these people will really be dead. He sees them as alternative living people who will have many less needs than actual living people. That will help reduce our deficit and make the lives of their children easier.
Reporter: Their children…easier? How so?
Conway: Well, not spending money on the alternatively living will save them money, especially on the skyrocketing cost of dog food.
Reporter: Dog food- right. Many Americans are outraged that the Senate bill devastates Medicaid but gives a huge tax cut to the wealthy, particularly for those earning over five million dollars a year.
Conway: Yes, but let’s face it, five million dollars just isn’t what it used to be.
The reporter thanked her for her time. When Kellyanne stood up, six quarters fell onto the floor. She bent over, wiggled her ass and farted. Hazmat was summoned.