Donald Trump has turned 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue into “Animal House” with machetes. A number of employees have injured themselves slipping on the blood now pooling on the White House floor.
Fire fighters from the Southwest are being pulled off their fire lines and flown to D.C. with instructions to put out the conflagration that is the Trump Presidency.
These incredibly brave people who risk their lives to save people, pets and livestock have already said that they will not save anyone in the White House who has cloven hoofs. This means that only the cleaning crew has a chance of being rescued.
These heros’ attempt to put the fire out may be moot because the President has just brought in his buddy, Anthony Scaramucci, to be his new communications director. Scaramucci has the potential to become the world’s largest ever grease fire. If he goes up in flames, the planet doesn’t contain enough water to put him out.
Scaramucci is uniquely qualified for his job having earned his Masters from New Hampshire’s prestigious University of Tourettes. The Mooch says he is committed to stopping all of the leaks coming from the White House, but it is not known if he plans to stop the leak that Trump is taking on the American people.
In discussing the problem, the new director told reporters that “The fish rots from the head down.” We assume the fish reference makes clear that the President is a blow-fish, that he, Scaramucci, is a remora fish that attaches itself to sharks and lives off their feces, and that Trump’s Presidency is a flounder.
As far as “rotting” goes, it’s become apparent that there is so much of it in the White House that a termite control company was brought in to find the cause of the decay. After a week-long inspection, it was determined that the structure was fine, but President Trump needed tenting.