NO, YOU ARE!
With President Trump protecting our nation by fighting with three-quarters of America’s athletes, John Kelly suggested he ratchet down the rhetoric with North Korea. Trump, feeling that he could no longer spend as much time inflaming that situation, agreed with Kelly because he’d need more time starting Thursday when he plans to start attacking Jesse Owens and Willie Mays.
After Trump promised that he would behave in a Presidential manner, a secret phone call was arranged between the two leaders whose stubby little fingers rest on nuclear triggers.
What follows is a secret transcript of that conversation.
Trump: Look, Un, we need to cut down on the insults, but first I’d like to ask you one question. Who cuts your hair, The Three Stooges?
Un: Shut up, Fatso. You have more stretch marks than an elephant with nine elephant babies.
Trump: Oh yeah? Well, you’re a big Doodyhead.
Un: No, you are.
Trump: No, you are.
Un: No, you are.
Trump: No you are.
Un: No, you are.
Trump: No, you are.
Un: No, you are.
They went on like this for two hours with only a half-hour break so Trump could play with his Mr. Potato Head and finally figure out where the ears go.
Un wanted to play with North Korea’s Slinky, but no one could find it. So instead, he used the time to have three cousins and an uncle assassinated.
Eventually the conversation ended with a glimmer of hope when Trump told Un he’d send him a Slinky in return for him executing the entire NFL. The North Korean dictator agreed to do it, and in the spirit of co-operation, promised to send Trump an autographed Kim Jong Un home assassination kit.
Ken Hecht