Must-reads for Republican extremists have long included “Mein Kampf,” “Stalin’s Jokes from the Gulag” and “Idi Amin’s Favorite Recipes.” The newest addition to that list is “The Right-Winger’s Trick or Treat Handbook.”
The booklet features an article saying that the Donald Trump mask will become an instant Halloween classic because it makes the wearer look like a stain on humanity.
The new publication suggests that all right-wing ladies, to be even more frightening than usual, dress as welfare women and have babies on people’s lawns.
It’s also recommended that these alleged females show their love for the Second Amendment and keep their mouths shut after being groped by gun owners.
For safety reasons, parents should accompany their children as they trick or treat. After their little future extremists’ bags are filled with candy, parents should drive them to poor neighborhoods where the kids should eat all their candy while offering none to as many underprivileged children as possible. This will help these less fortunate tykes prepare for the lives of abject deprivation they’ll lead thanks to Republican economic policies.
Some people will choose to have Halloween parties in their homes and give treats to the children who come to their door. It is important that you find out which political party the trick-or-treaters belong to. Democrats should be given nothing, and Democrats are easily identified because they ask for kale.
You want to be sure that the adults also have fun, and they will if you hold a contest and give a prize to the right-wing extremist with the biggest stick jammed up his ass. The book recommends the prize be a tube of L’Oreal’s “Splinters Be Gone Cream.”
It should be noted that all proceeds from the sale of, “The Right-Winger’s Trick or Treat Handbook” will be donated to Donald Trump’s favorite cause, Donald Trump.