Since America’s most recent slaughter, in Parkland, Florida, the NRA has once again wrapped itself in our American flag, soiling it with their cold-blooded indifference to human life.
NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre, immediately convened a strategy meeting in the organization’s hallowed Charles Whitman room.
Before calling the session to order, LaPierre went to the men’s room to wash the blood off his hands. But in that they have more blood on them than you see in a Quentin Tarantino movie, he gave up after an hour.
A tragedy occurred before the meeting started when Recording Secretary Shirley Panzer was killed when she accidently opened the wrong closet and LaPierre’s fifteen-million dollar weekly payoff from Colt, Winchester and Smith & Wesson fell on her head.
After several members, showing the NRA’s typical compassion, stashed her body behind a ficus, LaPierre began by telling the gathered, “We’re taking a public relations beating by the left, who, despite our considerable efforts, still refuse to see the upside of carnage.
Many boos were heard.
LaPierre: I don’t want to, but to help protect our image, I am cancelling our annual “Entry Wound Bakeoff.”
Some in the crowd pleaded with him not to.
LaPierre: I’m sorry, but we’re under siege. To help put an end to it, we need a spokesperson who is devoid of a conscience as well as being a world class liar. I have a call in to Sarah Sanders.
An aide to LaPierre walked up to him, carrying a phone and saying, “It’s important.” He asked the aide, “Is it Satan?” “No sir, he’s on hold.” The NRA’s leader took the phone.
LaPierre: Hello… Hey everyone, it’s Dracula…
The room erupted with applause.
LaPierre: Of course I’ll tell them… Dracula wants you all to know that someday he hopes to be as bloodthirsty as we are.”