STORMY and KAREN
The “Left Wing Gazette” proudly announces that we have achieved a journalistic first for nonexistent newspapers. Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal agreed to sit down and tell us about the man each had an affair with.
Lwg: What about your time with President Trump stands out most in your minds?
Stormy: Well, he was very generous.
Karen: I agree. He always paid for my meals as long as I ordered from the kid’s menu.
Stormy: He’s a true giver. He paid for my left breast implant and my plane fare to Nicaragua.
Lwg: Left imp- hold on. Donald Trump wouldn’t give away ice in the winter. He must’ve wanted something in return.
Stormy: I gave him visitation rights every other weekend and for a month during the summer when he takes it to Hawaii.
Lwg: Just curious. What about your right breast? How did you get that?
Stormy: I had a Groupon.
Lwg: Interesting… What is it that attracted you to Donald Trump?
Karen: Well, I’ve always been attracted to tyrants.
Lwg: They turn you on?
Karen: Yes, even more than men with prostate problems.
Lwg: I wonder what you both think about a married man who consistently has sex with so many women.
Stormy: I’ve often thought Donald was a dog, but that’s mostly because his bark sounds so real.
Lwg: He barks during sex?
Stormy: He takes requests.
Lwg: Were there any STDs involved in either of your relationships with Mr. Trump?
Karen: Not me.
Stormy: Me either. He’s very clean. I mean once and a while he’d forget to wash one of his folds of fat and sometimes there’d be a day-old bagel in there.
Lwg: And that didn’t gross you out?
Stormy: Only when there was lox on it.
Lwg: Karen, you’ve expressed regret in the past for sleeping with Donald Trump knowing that he was married.
Karen: That’s right. It was wrong to do and I’m sorry.
Lwg: Well, if it helps any, millions of Americans are sorry that he’s f**king us, too.