Donald Trump, after being turned down by every licensed and disbarred lawyer in America, finally found three that would defend him. Rudy Giuliani leads the new team. Trump was able to locate New York’s former mayor on his “Creeps Needing Work” app.
Giuliani, after graduating from New York’s prestigious “College of Legal Thuggery,” rose quickly to become a U.S. Attorney where he earned a reputation for prosecuting all manner of criminals. So dedicated was he that every morning when he looked in the mirror, he had himself arrested. Giuliani made so many visits to jail, and became so popular, that eventually he was allowed to pick his own husband.
In 1968, Giuliani married his second cousin. He did this because his first cousin turned him down. The couple was married for fourteen years and are the proud parents of three children with webbed feet. Rudy’s favorite is the one that was born without a tail.
Adding to the legend that is Rudy Giuliani, he once announced, publically, that he was divorcing his second wife without having told her in advance. Humiliating his wife this way met two of Trump’s most important requirements to be his friend: being devoid of decency and having less class than two dead flies.
Trump tried to enlist Chris Christie for his legal team, but the former New Jersey Governor is blocking a tunnel that runs between Jersey and New York. He got stuck while entering the Jersey side and it is hoped that rescue crews will be able to free him by late June. He’s in no real danger, as he’s being fed rectally. Christie, seizing this opportunity to lose weight, has requested that he be restricted to sixty-five-thousand calories a day.
Trump is happy to have Giuliani join him but not as happy as Sarah Sanders, who enjoys long walks on the beach, beautiful sunsets and making gentle love to things that slither.
This just in: Giuliani’s third wife just filed for divorce.