We have it from an occasionally reliable source that Donald Trump recently met with seven of the nineteen voices living inside his head. He trusts those seven, but not the other twelve, who he heard laughing at him in Helsinki. He’s banished them to wander the vast wasteland between his ears.
The President bragged to his non-existent buds that he’s proud to be turning the party of Ronald Reagan back into the party of Joseph McCarthy.
So far, Trump has only given a glimpse of what he and Putin talked about to his favorite nocturnal fantasy, Ivanka. Evidently, the Russian President told Trump that he can stop pissing on women because, “I already have enough videos of that.” Ivanka told him, “Daddycakes, Uncle Vladimir is right. You should stop.” Her father responded, “Okay. From now on I’ll just piss on our Constitution.” Ivanka squealed, “Yay daddy.”
Trump continued on, telling her, “As soon as I finished giving Vladimir a foot massage, he brought up the subject of Montenegro and his desire to annex it. I said, Good with me, but I don’t understand what you want with a Caribbean country.”
It seems that Putin told his orange counterpart that the tiny country poses a serious threat to Russia.
It is clear that Montenegro does indeed pose such a threat because they’ve amassed their soldier on Russia’s border. And not only that, he has their gun.
Clearly this aggressive nation is the world’s most dangerous since Freedonia and its dictatorial ruler, Rufus T. Firefly aka Groucho Marx. When Trump was given this information, he said, “I hate Marx. I hate all commies.”
After Ivanka left, Trump summoned Sarah Sanders to the Oval Office. “Good to see you, Sarah.” She said, “Thank you sir,” but then she became nervous and asked, “You didn’t drink a lot of water today, did you?”