Donald Trump insisted on being in charge of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh’s senatorial prep session. To be a thorough as possible, he called in all the reptiles in his administration that were not currently molting.
To begin, our recently laughed-at-by-the United Nations President, sought to assure Judge Kavanaugh of his commitment to him by saying, “Judge, you have my full support because I believe your story and I want you to know that I think you are almost as good a person as Paul Manafort.”
Kavanaugh: Really, sir? I’m honored.
Chuck Grassley: And I want you to know that I don’t believe you ever attacked a woman.
Kavanaugh: Thank you. Your word really matters to me, Senator.
Grassley: My word matters to everyone even though I’m an ineffectual and slow-witted white man.
Don Jr.: I don’t even believe that sexual molestation even exists in America.
John Kelly: Speaking of slow-witted.
Sarah Sanders: I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it, but attacks on women do occur. Back in Arkansas, a man once attacked me, but I never reported it because I realized he was a blind farmer who thought he was milking a cow.
Pence: I can see that.
Sarah: My father told me I was a wonderful Republican for not reporting it and for remembering that as a woman, I don’t count… Can I get anyone coffee?
Trump: Thanks, but we already sent Kellyanne Conway to Starbucks.
Rudy Giuliani: Judge Kavanaugh, you’re aware that you will be questioned by an outside woman lawyer?
Trump: Why a woman?
Pence: Because otherwise it would be eleven sexist Republicans questioning her, and it’s vital we don’t let America see how much contempt we have for women’s rights.
Trump: Good move… Judge Kavanaugh, when you’re confirmed, you’ll be invited to all of our clandestine male chauvinist pigs meetings where you’ll be given Greta, our anatomically correct blow-up-doll that has tape over her mouth.
The men all applauded.
Sarah: Would anyone like a foot massage?