Desperate to keep people from knowing that he hears voices, Donald Trump had psychiatrist, Dr. Phillip Foster, smuggled into the White House disguised as Sarah Sanders. As Foster was going to the Oval Office, a tour passed by and someone commented, “She looks so much less masculine in person.” Another tour member said, “If we ask nicely, maybe she’ll tell us a lie.” The tour guide hurried the group along.
When arriving at the Oval Office, Dr. Foster found Trump finishing a bagel with cream cheese and a human finger on it.
Foster stared oddly at the finger.
Trump: I don’t like lox.
Foster: Right. Okay… How are you feeling, sir?
Trump: Great. And who wouldn’t be after tearing apart thousands of Hispanic families and putting their kids in detention camps?
Foster: That makes you happy?
Trump: Sure. Melania and I are using a photo of those kids staring through barbed wire for our Christmas cards this year. Ho-ho-ho.
Foster: Speaking of hoes, how is your and Melania’s sex life these days?
Trump: Awful. She just bought a four-hundred-thousand dollar chastity belt at Tiffany’s.
Trump: It’s from the Ethel Merman collection.
Foster: I see… Is there anything in particular that you’d like to discuss?
Trump: Well, I’m under such stress from people who don’t want a dictator, that for the first time in my life, I’m having trouble getting an erection. My girlfriends, Edna and Sparkle, were getting so pissed I had to hire a fluffer.
Foster: A fluff- Why didn’t you try Viagra first?
Trump: I did. But they kept falling out of my ass.
Dr. Foster thought he was saying, “Moron” under his breath, but Trump heard it.
Trump: I hear that a lot. Especially from some of the people living in my head.
Foster: I see. Just how many people live in your head?
Trump: Including the marching band?
As a bewildered Dr. Foster just sat staring, Trump took something out of his desk, held it up and asked, “Finger?”