For his final magical misinformation tour before the midterms, the President boarded his plane, Air Fear One, and then personally wanded everyone boarding to be sure none of them was sneaking any compassion, decency or morals on board. When Trump finished, he was satisfied that his flight would have its usual venom- packed ambiance.
The flight was so crowded with his Party’s many bigots and racist candidates that there wasn’t room for regular staffers like Sarah Sanders. Fortunately, she was able to make the trip on her Ann Coulter “White Supremacist 400X Broom.” The broom is not only fast, but Sanders says it makes her feel like a sexual person. She and Lindsey Graham often regale one another with their broom-induced sexual fantasies.
Cabinet members and advisors, not aboard the plane, went to Trump’s newly opened Strom Thurmond Conference Room to Skype with him. The room boasts an original décor of “Ropes Through the Ages.” All donated by well known plantation owner, Jeff (The South Will Rise Again) Sessions.
After wiping their feet on the United States Constitution, our government officials entered the Thurmond Conference Room and turned on their Skypes to see the President trying to free himself from the child’s beach pail his head was trapped in. Trump was struggling to breathe and his life was in jeopardy when Ivanka and Jared rushed in and cut the pail from his neck using the Jews of Life.
The President finally began the session by demanding to know who was in charge of acquiring the “pipe bomber guy’s van for my grandkids.” Kellyanne Conway chimed in by saying she’d gone to the Florida jail to see where Cesar Sayoc, the new “hero-of-the-far-right,” was being held. She was not allowed to see Sayoc and was, in fact, lucky to escape with her life after the jail’s electronic security system identified her as poisonous snake. “I was lucky to slither out of there alive,” she remarked.
Suddenly, the plane began shaking violently. Trump and everyone else thought they were done for, but then they looked out their windows and realized that it was just Sarah Sanders having a broomgasm.