Some of America’s leading fake Christians flew into the nation’s capitol recently to hold a worship service for mega-heathen Donald Trump. They arrived in their personal jets that are paid for by their gullible followers who live in the dark like mushrooms, only aren’t as smart.
Trump entered the room thirty seconds after his stomach did and greeted everyone, telling them that he was, “glad to be here and share his expertise on hucksterism.” The God-Squaders responded by telling him that they were all accomplished swindlers and that they had come to pray with Trump.
Trump: I appreciate that, but it’s unnecessary because God loves me and has shown it by letting me slide through life without morals or a conscience.
Jerry Falwell Jr.: We know that, sir, but we’re worried about the recent polls that show you’re going to lose biggly.
Franklin Graham: And if that happens, who’s going to help us overturn Roe v. Wade and deprive women of their rights?
Trump: The polls are fake and we will get Roe v. Wade overturned… Does anyone actually know who this Roe V person is?
Joel Osteen thought to himself, “God must really like morons.”
Snoring was heard and everyone turned to see Pat Robertson asleep with a big smile on his face and mumbling, “Yes, touch me there, Jeremy.”
Franklin Graham blasted an air horn in Robertson’s ear, waking him and quickly returning him to 1954.
Falwell Jr.: Sir, we want to pray that you remain steadfast in your commitment to the pro-life movement.
Trump: Of course I will, but I’m also pro-choice.
The Jesus all-stars were stunned.
Trump: I want to be able to walk into a restaurant and choose between steak, chicken and Hispanic infant stew.
Osteen: We should pray now, Mr. President.
Trump: Fine. Which minority do you want to prey upon?