After months out of the public view, Rudy Giuliani has re-emerged from the Everglades where he was relaxing at the Trump Swamp and Spa for Reptiles. He’d again answered the call to make a fool of himself as well as defend Donald Trump’s most recent act of treason.
His first night back in New York, the former Mayor awoke in the middle of the night needing to urinate. After returning from the window, he stepped over the broken security glass he places around his bed. Unfortunately, he cut himself on a piece of it.
Bleeding badly, Giuliani screamed out in pain, waking Trixie LaTushie, the dominatrix he was spending the night with. Trixie wore an eye patch and also had a stuffed parrot on her shoulder. Giuliani has pirate fantasies that include Amy Klobuchar making him walk the plank.
Trixie had charged Rudy her normal “sex with a psycho” fee. It was her tenth visit to “His Honor,” and he would receive his next collection of abrasions for free.
Giuliani said, “Aye girlie, would ye get a towel for me foot?” Ms. LaTushie told him that her towel service would cost an extra $500. Not wanting to bleed on his new rug with Pol Pot’s face on it, the ex-mayor agreed and pointed to his wallet.
Trixie took five hundred dollars and taped it to her wooden leg.
Just then, Giuliani began having difficulty breathing and clutched at his chest. He managed to say, “CPR,” finally spelling it right on his third try.
She immediately held her hand out. He nodded towards his wallet. She took his last $500 and taped it to her other wooden leg.
Trixie wrapped a towel around Rudy’s foot and then made Giuliani gargle with Scope before administering CPR. His breathing returned to normal, but he continued to bleed. She waived her emergency services dialing fee and called 911.
Giuliani thanked her and said, “Same time Saturday?”
Trixie: See you then, Sugar.