TRUMP AT WALTER REED
Donald Trump recently made an unscheduled trip to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. White House physician Sean Conley had taken Trump’s blood pressure and found it to be 666/666. He insisted his boss go to the hospital immediately. Trump said he would just as soon as he finished his Big Mac.
On the ride over, Trump wanted to stop at a Dairy Queen. Permission was denied. He started to sulk and told Dr. Conley that he would write his own medical report.
Conley: I can’t allow that, sir.
Trump: Why not?
Conley: Because I have principles and integrity.
Trump: Isn’t there a pill for that?
Conley just shook his head, bewildered.
Once at the hospital, BP medication was administered and the patient was sent for several scans. The scans were clean except for the one of the brain, which showed that the inside of Trump’s skull looked like nuclear winter, only less lush.
The final scan came back showing that there was a huge blockage in the Presidential anus. Everyone started guessing what it might be. One nurse said, “My car was stolen.”
A surgeon was called to operate and thought he’d solved Trump’s problem when he found Jim Jordan’s coat in there.
The surgeon then realized there was something even bigger up there. He immediately performed an emergency Lindsay Grahamectomy. When the South Carolina Senator emerged, he was asked if he been cramped. Graham remarked, “Not at all. I had no trouble getting a queen-size mattress and refrigerator in there.”
The surgeon thought he’d completed his task until he felt something else, went back in and removed Trump’s tax returns.
Blood Pressure Boy was asked for a stool sample. He returned from the bathroom and said, “It’s in the toilet.”
A nurse went to look and called out, “We didn’t need that much.”
Trump replied, “It’s not that much. Only about a tenth of what I dump on America every day.”