Being the holiday season, Donald Trump thought long and hard about how to reward his henchmen for selling their souls to the Devil in order to continue supporting his attempt to destroy America. His main consideration was to spend no money on them because he was a little short this year. His illegal charity had been closed down and he couldn’t steal from it. He settled on letting them sit in on a conference call with him and Satan.
He invited the hellbound likes of Mitch McConnell, William Barr, Lindsey Graham, Mike Pompeo and Kellyanne Conway to the Oval Office. Having just had the carpets cleaned of all the blood he’d spilled on them, he asked the sycophants to please wipe their feet on our Constitution before entering. They did so willingly.
He then placed a call to Satan using his Verizon Unlimited Direct to the Devil Minutes.
Trump was embarrassed when the Devil’s secretary, Roy Cohn, placed him on hold. Hoping to distract his minions, Trump regaled them with stories of how he cheated working people out of their money over the years. Ever more sure that the right man was President, they began to applaud him when Satan got on the line.
Trump: Satan, I’ve got some of your biggest fans here. Lindsey-
Satan: I know who’s there. I can smell them.
Trump: Are you in a bad mood, my Lord?
Satan: When I talk to you, always. What do you clowns want?
Trump: Well, I think everyone would like your assurance that when they die, you’ll have a place for them.
Lindsey Graham: Don’t include me, Mr. Satan. I plan on going to heaven to be with my best friend John McCain.
Trump, Satan, all of them began laughing so uproariously that their stomachs ached. Mitch McConnell convulsed so violently, he slapped himself in the face with his chins.
When the laughter died down:
Satan: Thanks Lindsey, best laugh I’ve had since the Crusades.