TRUMP’S NEW ADVISORS
Worldwide laughingstock Donald Trump, hoping to stop his precipitous self-inflicted drop in the polls, fired his advisors for asking him to scrap his newest suggestion for eradicating the virus by injecting people with Roundup Weed Killer.
Enraged, he immediately fired his team and arranged a meeting with his hand-picked new one.
Trump: Now, each of you has been chosen for your particular area of expertise. Who wants to speak first?
Moe: Me, sir. Pick two fingers.
Trump: Uh, okay… Ouch, you poked me in my eyes.
Curly: Hey Moe, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, he’s dumber than me.
Moe: I know, knucklehead, and if I can train him to throw pies, you’ll have nothing to do in the act.
Larry: “Nothing to do in the act?” That’s my job.
Trump: That’s enough. We’re here to discuss ways to put an end to this Democratic hoax virus.
Dr. Strangelove: With all due respect Mein Fuhrer, I’ve never heard of a hoax that runs a fever, but remember, we have precision bombs that wipe out dangerous things like viruses and minorities.
Trump: Good. I like it.
Lou Costello: I’m curious, does anyone know who’s got the virus?
Abbott: Who doesn’t have the virus. Who has a cold. Why has the virus.
Costello: How come?
Abbott: Forget how come. He’s just cranky.
Costello: Why’s he cranky?
Abbott: No, why has the virus. Forget-
They were interrupted by:
Professor Irwin Corey: As your advisor, sir, I must, though not altogether or even partially agreeing with the team’s veracity, feel that with constant and exploratory discourse and finesse and other things, we may just arouse success in a sufficient quantity to focus on the endemic implications of the pandemic.
Trump leaped to his feet.
Trump: Finally, someone who speaks my language.