ANOTHER NEW LOW
Donald Trump returned from his overseas trip, basking in the glow of his latest accomplishment, managing to get his tongue so far up Vladimir Putin’s rear end that he was able to tickle the Russian’s tonsils.
Trump traveled on to North Korea where he and Kim Jong-Un met at the North/South Korean demarcation line and walked together into the communist nation in what can only be described as a waddle-fest. Instant replay showed that Trump’s ass never quite made it all the way into North Korea.
When he returned to the White House, Trump became nostalgic and stopped by Sarah Sanders’ old office. Trump eventually had to move out of the way and allow the hazmat team to enter. The team immediately began spraying her office with industrial strength lie-killer. Shortly thereafter, they discovered the office contained two casualties, truth and decency.
When Trump entered the Oval Office, he found his distraught and tearful daughter there.
Ivanka: Daddy, I’m very upset.
Trump: Your ass looks great in that skirt.
Ivanka: Daddy, I’m talking about how the adults who were actually qualified to be at the G20 Summit treated me. No matter how many times I tried to wheedle my way into conversations that I didn’t understand, they just ignored me.
Trump: Oh, it couldn’t have been that bad, honey.
Ivanka: When I walked up to that Macron guy, he said, “I told the service to have you go to my room.”… Don’t they know I’m a very important person who could fix all of the G20’s problems if they’d just let me? I know I would do as good a job as Jared did bringing peace to the Middle East.
Trump: Relax, sweetie. They’re just Western leaders, so they don’t count.
Ivanka: I don’t care, they should respect me. I was once on the cover of “Seventeen,” remember?
Trump: Of course I do. Hubba, hubba… Listen, I’ll give that Macron guy hell for insulting you.
Ivanka: Daddy, don’t. You can’t believe the things he can do in bed with a baguette. It’s much better than matzoh.