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HEALTH CARE

  President Trump, who is himself a preexisting condition for which there is no cure, says he supports the Senate’s healthcare bill. A White House insider revealed that Trump hasn’t actually seen the entire bill, but has looked at the five-page phonetic summary put together by his staff. Trump began to read it, but in … Read more

DEWY SCREWEM & HOWE

  Crammed into the Oval Office like the stateroom scene from the Marx Brothers’ “A Night at the Opera,” dozens of lawyers met to search for a strategy to defend Donald Trump. Among those in attendance were Trump’s personal lawyers, their personal lawyers and the personal lawyers’ personal lawyers. Marc Kasowitz, the President’s longtime attorney, … Read more

PITIFUL

  This past Monday the world witnessed the biggest mass ass-kissing in the history of mankind. Prior to the televised abomination, Trump sat down with his people to deliberate over what they could best do to help this failed excuse of a human hold on to his thirty-eight percent approval ratings. Trump started the meeting … Read more