Vice President Pence, recently charged by Robert Mueller for being excessively white, and a dozen swamp dwellers from Trump’s administration and family waited in the Oval Office for him to arrive to discuss his Space Force. Trump entered the room and said, “Brfojuge hbant cleedberf.”
Ivanka: Daddy, we can’t understand you. Maybe you should take your helmet off.
Trump removed it grudgingly and replied defensively:
Trump: Okay, but I’m not giving up my Space Force secret decoder ring.
Ivanka: Nobody’s asking you to do that. Just give me the helmet and I’ll put it right next to your Yo-Yo, your Slinky and your Whack a Whore.
Trump: Melania chose black for my space suit. She said it was slimming.
Pence: She was right, sir. You look very dashing, and more like Cheeto than ever.
Trump: Thanks Mike. You’re my favorite ass-kisser.
Pence beamed with pride.
Giuliani: Mr. President… I don’t think your air-hose is supposed to be inserted into your ass.
Trump: The air-hose stays, Rudy. It works better than fiber… Now about the Force… I’ll need a commander who understands aerospace stuff and especially the grave danger gravity poses to Americans.
Sarah Sanders: “Grave danger,” Mr. President?
Trump: Yes. Believe me, I speak from experience when I tell you that I know the damage gravity does to people. Remember, I’ve seen Stormy Daniels naked.
Ben Carson: Mr. President, every time I call the number you gave me for her, she hangs up.
Jeff Sessions: Maybe she doesn’t like colored people.
Carson: Who does? But what’s that got to do with me?
Trump: My Space Force, focus everyone… I’ve made a decision. I want either Flash Gordon or Luke Skywalker to run my program… Of course, Darth Vader would be more like me. Does anyone know if he ever got his asthma under control?
The group looked at each other. No one had the heart to tell him.