Rudy Giuliani, when told we were a nonexistent newspaper and appreciated being lied to, consented to meet with us as he rode to work in his New York office.
His limo driver picked us up first. When the car arrived at his home, the President’s lawyer and obfuscator climbed in. The driver asked, “Where to, sir?”
Rudy: 55th and Park.
Driver: 55th and Park, right.
Rudy: I meant 34th and Broadway.
Driver: No problem.
Rudy: Step on it. I need to be at 57 and Ninth ASAP.
Us: Thank you for agreeing to meet with us.
Rudy: Of course, I have great respect for “Time Magazine.” Now, the first thing I want you to know was that President Trump, in his never-ending quest to be transparent, wanted to join us on a conference call, but he’s in the Oval Office taking orders from his co-Presidents, Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh.
Us: That’s a lot of venom in just one office.
Ignoring us, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a list.
Rudy: I have to tell you that the press has been very unfair to the President. While Donald Trump is no Paul Manafort, he a fine portly man. Let me read to you all of the things Donald Trump is not guilty of… “The Hindenburg disaster, the Sacco and Vanzetti murders and he’s definitely not guilty of ever having read a book.”
Us: We can believe that… Being an alleged newspaper, we’re interested in how you feel about your boss stopping Sarah Sanders’ press conferences?
Rudy: It’s wonderful. Sarah is suffering from fibber-fatigue and needs the rest.
Us: So, what is she doing with her free time?
Rudy: Well, since she’s the only person in the President’s administration who hasn’t used their position to make money for themselves, she’s writing a weight loss book.
Us: A weight loss book?
Rudy: Yes. The “South Bitch Diet.”
Driver: We’re here, Mr. Giuliani.
Giuliani looked out the window and screamed, “I said 46th and Madison, you idiot. Now take us to 52nd and First.”