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Category: KOREA

SCUZZBALL SUMMIT

SCUZZBALL SUMMIT

It appears that the world’s two most mentally unstable leaders will soon sit down with each other in Viet Nam. Trump has been looking forward to this second meeting, as he truly enjoys being made a fool of by foreign dictators and thereby embarrassing the United States.

Thankfully, we need not worry that Trump will be alone in the room with Kim Jong Un, as he’ll be accompanied by the seventeen people living in his head. Several of them are criminals out on parole and five  are a Platters cover band.

A secret phone call took place between the two to discuss their upcoming historic fiasco redux.

Kim immediately told Trump that he, like Trump, was into porno and Porno stars. Claiming he had specific tastes, Kim asked if he could meet Sarah Sanders.

Trump replied, “Forget it, her time’s taken up telling lies for me.  And besides, she’s married and has children.”

Un responded, “Tell her I have two inches and see if she can resist me then.”

The President wanted to get Kim off this topic, so he complimented him on being the brutal dictator he is and added that he hopes to also be a brutal dictator someday. The Left Wing Gazette agrees that Trump is not yet a dictator, just a dick.

Kim then complimented Trump’s complete lack of morals, but boasted, “Mine are lower than yours.” Trump replied, “Are not.” “Are so.” “Are not.” And so it went for about twenty minutes.

Trump didn’t know it, but as soon as he went wheels up on Monday, the construction of a wall to keep him from returning to America began.

The two men, who admire each other’s haircuts, met last night at a lavish dinner where they toasted each other with champagne flutes filled with blood.

Their official meetings are scheduled to start on Thursday.

On a personal note, I have great hopes for this summit. Trump and Kim in the same room… what could possibly go wrong?

theleftwinggazette.com

 

PEACEMAKER


In honor of Donald Trump’s stellar Presidency, the “Nobel Prize” committee has added a prestigious new category this year, the “Nobel Putz Prize.”

South Korean President Moon Jae-in, this weekend, said, that the leader of the free world can with the “Nobel Peace Prize.” Clearly, Moon Jae-in has his tongue so far up Trump’s ass that he can taste his food.

The fact that North Korea’s Kim-Jong-Un is a murderous psychopath is not the only reason that peace has been so hard to come by on the Korean Peninsula. President Moon has long been jealous of Kim-Jong-Un because Un has more hyphens in his name than Moon Jae-in does. The jealousy probably owes to the old Korean saying, “He who dies with the most hyphens, wins.”

Trump told his advisors that he’d gotten the Nobel Prize when he was a kid, after he swiped a box of Crackerjacks from a girl in a wheelchair. He went on that he was surprised that the coveted award was shaped like a whistle. No one had the heart to tell him.

Trump asked his attorney and future jail bird Michael Cohen if the Swedish Academy could be bought off. The President offered to entice them by delivering as many hookers as they want. He promised that they can choose between hookers with or without bladder problems.

Trump winning the “Nobel Peace Prize” is as likely as finding Bigfoot, a unicorn or a Republican congressman who give a rat’s ass about anyone but the wealthy. Still, Trump always the optimist, is expecting to win his second “Nobel Prize.”

theleftwinggazette.com