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TWAS THE SEASON

XMAS EVE UPDATE

TWAS THE SEASON

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,

Donald Trump he was stirring because he’s a big louse,

The stockings were hung with greatest of care,

Filled with the scalps of his hires and that only seemed fair,

His children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of swindles danced in their heads,

I in my crown had just settled in bed,

When out on the lawn arose such a clatter,

I sprung from my bed and fell on my ass,

A tsunami it caused in peaceful Jakarta,

And to make things much worse, I made a big farta,

Away to the window I waddled so slow,

When what to my wandering eyes did appear,

A bright red sleigh with eight big reindeer,

And a bearded old Santa so live and so quick,

I took away his insurance because I am a pri*k,

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name,

Now! Dasher, Now! Prancer, Now! Comet and Blitzen, Bob Muller’s so close you should be a-schvitzen,

He gave me a lump of clean coal and said it was mine,

Then he told me to stick it where sun it don’t shine,

When he gathered his reindeer and mounted his sleigh,

He called out to me as he flipped me the bird,

“Merry shutdown to you, you big ugly turd.

theleftwinggazette.com

 

SOCIAL MISFIT

SOCIAL MISFIT

The most commonly asked question throughout history has been, “Where did I leave my car keys?” The second most asked question: “Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?,” and the third most asked is, “Just how big a human failure do you have to be to be President of the United States, and in less than two years be banned from John McCain’s and Barbara Bush’s funerals as well as England’s Royal Wedding?” Perhaps carnival barkers just aren’t welcome at such events.

So odious is Donald Trump that it was just announced that when he dies, he won’t be invited to his own funeral either.

But to be fair, Trump isn’t universally despised, as Satan enjoys his company and the President receives even more invitations to speak at neo-Nazi and Klan rallies than does Stephen Miller.

The passing of Senator John McCain and all its attendant and well- deserved heartfelt accolades are the only moments of decency America has experienced since the bottom feeder in the White House took office.

It seems that Trump’s keepers entered the Oval Office with their whips and chairs and read him the riot act, explaining that it would cost him votes if he continued trashing John McCain. Evidently they got through to the brick that occupies the space between his ears, and he shut it down for several days, not throwing one of his public tantrums to make himself the center of attention.

While the nation felt much sadness from McCain’s passing, America also got to briefly experience some decency, kindness and feelings of good will. It was like seeing a sliver of blue sky though the dark clouds that have enveloped us for what already seems like an eternity.

It was nice while it lasted, but the Tweeting addict couldn’t control himself for long and just had to attack America’s unions on Labor Day.

The clouds are back.

theleftwinggazette.com

 

 

CREEP SHOW

CREEP SHOW

Stephen Miller, lifelong Satan wannabe, is now a senior advisor to Donald Trump as well as his chief speech writer. Miller is favored by the President because he takes the time to explain the meaning of words with five or more letters to him.

The architect of Trump’s plan to separate families and put children in cages,  Miller deserves our admiration. Let’s face it, it’s no easy task to become as mean-spirited and loathsome as he has in just thirty-two years. Kudos to him for recently beating out Ann Coulter and one hundred and forty Republican congressmen in a contest to become America’s new face of hate.

Odious even as a child, his grandmother was given Hadassah’s highest award for trying to poison him.

After college, Miller worked for batshit crazy right-winger Michelle Bachman before moving on to became an aide to outstanding fourteenth century thinker Jeff Sessions. He has often defended Sessions by telling people, “Jeff is misunderstood. He’s very open-minded and doesn’t think only black people should be slaves, but Colored People and Negroes should be as well.

Miller worked closely with Steve Bannon in fashioning Donald Trump’s first failed travel ban that targeted only Muslims. Even though Bannon now resides on the toxic waste dump comprised of people Trump has thrown under the bus, he and Bannon remain close friends. Every Christmas, Miller sends Bannon a basket filled with nails, detonation devices and tubes of Clearasil. Bannon sends Miller his dandruff.

Stephen Miller’s dedication to the President limits his time for a social life, but once a week he does have a Trump-approved hooker come to his home and read passages from “Mein Kampf” to him.

This creepy white supremacist doesn’t seem to remember that he was born Jewish, and that after his hatemonger pals have finally disposed of all minorities, they’ll come and kill him too. Karma anyone?

theleftwinggazete.com