Mike Pence: Welcome to the “Donald Trump Show.” The show where the truth comes to die. Our guests tonight include, Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz, who will share with us their methods for sticking your head up your ass.
Now without further ado, let’s welcome the man with less of a grasp on reality than the characters in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”… Hereeee’s Donny.
Trump: Hi folks. We have a great show for you tonight. In addition to the doctors Mike mentioned, we also have The Governor of Florida who will show us by example just how stupid humidity can make you. And as a special treat, we have my favorite boy band, “Kids In Cages.”
Now I see that my audience is made up of Nazis, white supremacists and a lot of other very fine people as well. Okay everyone move closer to each other so your shoulders touch. Now look at the person on your right and cough… Great.
Okay, time to lighten things up… You know I just flew into town and take my wife, please… A priest and rabbi walk into a bar… and boy are my arms tired… Okay. Let’s see what’s in the news… Well, we passed 78,000 fake dead today. We’re number one, we’re number one!
When the applause died down, Trump went on.
“We’re going to take a break for a word from my favorite sponsor, Clorox. Plain and peanut. But be sure to stay with us because I’ll be doing the limbo later to see just how low I can go. I think we’re talking Middle Earth here, folks. Don’t miss it.”