THE MANCHURIAN BOZO
It’s clear that Donald Trump takes his orders from Vladimir Putin. Much smarter than Trump, like most beverages are, the Russian knows that his puppet has an ego with the strength of filo-dough. Putin wisely calls every so often to stroke it. Trump loves it when he calls and if it’s during a full moon, he gets a boner.
Putin: Donald. I want to let you know how pleased I am with what your darkness and cruelty have done to the American people.
Trump: Oh, sir, you’re too kind.
Putin: The pandemic-
Trump: That hoax?
Putin: America’s response to it compared to the rest of the world sets you apart as the dumbest f**king country on the planet. And the way you use your fake Christians is wonderful.
Trump: I have the best haters.
Putin: I do have one small criticism… Donald? Donald?… It’s not about you, it’s about your wife.
Trump: Oh, good.
Putin: Her new garden, it’s pretty dull looking.
Trump: Okay, I’ll have her put in some borscht plants.
Putin: There are no borscht plants.
Trump: Okay, we’ll go with the kasha trees. Melania is from Slobovia, so she’s not that bright.
Putin: Not Slobovia, Slovenia.
Trump: Slobovia, Slovenia. You say potato, I say Mars Bar… Listen, I’d like to ask you for a favor.
Trump: Could you have one of your people poison someone for me?
Putin: I have a lot of those people, but everyone knows you don’t pay your bills, so you’d have to put the cash up in advance.
Trump: Forget it. I’ll have Eric do it. He’s going to jail anyway.