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DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES

In his never-ending quest to piss off everyone in America, Donald Trump succeeded again yesterday when meeting with Republican congressmen and senators.

Trump, wearing his monogrammed Kevlar vest, was told by several Republicans that they’re concerned because only a sleazebag would agree to be his running mate.

Trump replied, “That’s why only Newt Gingrich remains on my list. But I’ve decided to go in another direction. I’m looking for a running mate that aligns better with my beliefs and ethics. I’ve decided that the person who best fits those requirements is Ted Bundy.”

Most of the politicians gasped. A congresswoman shouted that Ted Bundy was murdered in prison in 1989.

Trump responded, “Why is it that the good always die young?” He then turned to an aide, “Put in a call to Son of Sam.”

Senator and former disappearing governor of South Carolina Mark Sanford expressed his concern that Trump doesn’t really understand our Constitution. Trump bristled, but before he could respond, Sanford excused himself so he could go and explore the Appalachian Trail with his new soulmate, Ronda Rousey.

Members of both houses lambasted Trump for his anti-semitic, six- pointed star fiasco.

Trump shot back, “I wasn’t insulting Jews. I know how to insult Jews if I want to, believe me.”

Mitch McConnell called out, “We have nine Jews in Kentucky and they refuse to live in trailers. What’s the best way to insult them?”

Trump stuck his leg out and pulled up his pants leg, revealing his socks with swastikas on them. He stated proudly, “They’re from the Heinrich Himmler Collection.” He then began singing “Springtime for Hitler and Germany.”

Ken Hecht

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