Crammed into the Oval Office like the stateroom scene from the Marx Brothers’ “A Night at the Opera,” dozens of lawyers met to search for a strategy to defend Donald Trump. Among those in attendance were Trump’s personal lawyers, their personal lawyers and the personal lawyers’ personal lawyers.

Marc Kasowitz, the President’s longtime attorney, was in charge of this voyage of the dammed. Kasowitz was a wise choice since his law firm has a division dedicated to defending the likes of Donald Trump, Bill O’Reilly and the International Association to Bring Back Cholera.

Kasowitz also represents Sperbank, Russia’s largest bank. He claims that there’s nothing sinister about this arrangement, and that he only chose to represent the bank because they gave him a free toaster.

Panicked screams of “INCOMING, INCOMING” rang out. Donald Trump crawled into the room wearing a combat helmet and bellowing, “I think I’m hit.”

It took a while, but the lawyers convinced him that he was all right and that he’d sustained no additional brain injuries.

When the meeting began, Trump received more bad news when he was told that he was now also being investigated for obstruction of decency.

Trump told the legal eagles that it was their job to convince the nation that he was innocent of something. He then added, “It must also be made perfectly clear to the American people that I have no intention of giving them their country back.”

Trump, his attention span now taxed to the limit, ended the meeting abruptly, saying, I have to go help Melania unpack. She’s been here a week and we still can’t find the box she packed Barron in.”

Ken Hecht


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