Donald Trump, who desperately needs approval from all people and most plant life, sat at his desk hoping that Satan would call and congratulate him for avoiding the indictments he so richly deserved.

Trump, who has less patience than a monkey, couldn’t wait any longer and picked up his phone, calling the first number on his speed dial, Satan. His second through fourth numbers are, in order, Grub Hub, Door Dash and Carbs in a Flash.

When Trump called, he was put on hold by Satan’s temp secretary. Satan uses temps while he awaits the arrival of Steve King.

Trump was on hold for fifteen minutes because the Devil hates him, but tolerates him for being his best producer. When the Prince of Darkness got on the line, Trump asked him if he’d seen Bill Barr’s summary of the Mueller report.

Satan: Yeah, and I’m still laughing my ass off. You’d better not release the whole report. You don’t need even more people knowing what a scumbag you are. And what’s this crap I saw on Fox about you making Republicans the party of health care?

Trump: Ignore it. It’s just for my base who believes all the bullshit that comes out of my mouth. When I’m done, nobody in America will have health care. You don’t have it in Hell, do you?

Satan: Everyone’s dead down here, you imbecile.

Trump Oh, right. Hey, how do you like Betsy DeVoss defunding the Special Olympics?

Satan: What about the public?

Trump: They’ll back me on this one. They don’t like braggarts. Last year I watched the awards ceremony and those kids who won all got swelled heads.

Satan: Those are Down Syndrome kids. What’s your excuse?

Trump: “Down syndrome.” Must be a football thing. Hey, let me try my 2020 campaign slogan out on you.

Satan: Shoot.

Trump: Vote Trump: Toxic and Breaking the Human Spirit Since 2016.

Satan: Works for me.



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