IT’S MILLER TIME
Trump sycophant Stephen Miller, who hopes one day to lead his own Panzer division, has been tasked by his boss to quickly solve America’s immigration problem. Miller, a brilliant and even crueler strategist, knew exactly who to call.
Getting Lori Loughlin on the phone, he proceeded to charm her by telling her how much he’d always enjoyed her as the housekeeper on “Diff’rent Strokes.”
He then asked her to answer her country’s call and help solve our immigration issues by getting as many illegal aliens into USC as possible.
Loughlin liked the idea, but before committing, she wanted assurances that that being a wealthy, uncaring, marginally talented actress and felon was no longer a crime in Donald Trump’s America. Miller reassured her by saying, “Of course it’s not. Just look at our Cabinet.”
Loughlin thought it over and felt confident that a judge would recognize her patriotism for helping the Trump administration and only sentence her to picking up trash on the White House lawn, which consists mainly of Big Mac wrappers and the shattered dreams of decent Americans.
The “Full House” star accepted Miller’s offer and immediately pulled together a plan where, using Photoshop, she could show the administrators at USC that Hispanics at the border would be a great addition to the school’s bull fighting team.
Having solved the nation’s immigration problem, Miller felt that he was entitled to go out and have some fun. He drove to a nearby mall, and when young mothers weren’t looking, moved their baby carriages to another floor.
When he got back to his office he called Trump who took the call even though he was standing in front of a full-length mirror proposing to himself. The Narcissist and Chief liked Miller’s idea and added that he was himself a big bullfighting fan and hoped one day to cut off Nancy Pelosi’s ears.