The Left Wing Gazette, through its commitment to the honest reporting of the news, was able to secure an interview with a N.R.A. executive.
We wanted to interview him in our offices, but he insisted that we meet at an abattoir.
When we sat down, I asked, “Would you like to use the restroom?”
NRA guy: No. Why?
LWGazette: So you can wash the blood off your hands.
NRA guy: I’m good. First off, I want to state that I am very proud to be an N.R.A. member.
LWG: If you’re so proud, then why are you wearing a bag over your head?
NRA: Does it bother you?
LWG: No. It’s lovely. Have you ever considered switching to a plastic one?
LWG: Let’s move on. Are you aware that many N.R.A. members support background checks and banning assault weapons?
NRA: That’s just liberal fake news. Our fake news is much better. More lies per paragraph than Joseph Goebbels could ever dream of.
LWG: Talk to us about your organization’s political domination of Washington.
NRA: Well, everyone knows that the Republican Party is a wholly owned subsidiary of the N.R.A.
LWG: So, you admit that Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell belong to you?
NRA: Well, we own Trump and McConnell jointly with Vladimir Putin… Now there’s a leader who knows how to appreciate a high fatality event.
LWG: When one of these “high fatality events” occurs, you always blame other groups.
NRA: Yes, we have lots of nationalities and religions we can trash. It’s one of the perks of being a bigot. I could send you a starter kit if you like.
LWG: Pass. How do feel about Trump’s pronouncement after last weekend’s massacres that “Hate has no place in our country?”
NRA: Great lip service.
LWG: Are you aware that the majority of Americans also feel there is too much hate in our country.
NRA: I don’t see it.
LWG: Have you looked in the Oval Office?