Donald Trump, in his quest to put as many unqualified people with venom in their hearts in top government jobs, has nominated Texas Congressman John Ratcliffe to be the next head of America’s National Intelligence Agencies.

Trump and Ratcliffe spoke after the congressman attacked Robert Mueller during last week’s hearing. Our Commander in Chief was truly impressed with Ratcliffe’s ability to attack Mueller while simultaneously sticking his tongue up Trump’s ass from the hearing room.

The congressman’s tongue had to take a number and wait when it got there because Mitch McConnell, Kellyanne Conway and Steve Mnuchin’s tongues were in line ahead of his.

Trump thanked his newest sycophant and went on to compliment Ratcliffe’s character for having accomplished very little in his life, but having no problem doing a hatchet job on Mueller, a Marine who risked his life for this country and was awarded seven medals including the Purple Heart and Bronze Star.

Trump said he loved watching Ratcliffe tear into Mueller and then began to muse wistfully… “It’s those really hateful moments in life that we remember so fondly.”

After a moment, Trump told Ratcliffe,  “There are two questions you have to answer in order to get the nomination…. Do you have any problem helping me further sell out our country to Russia?”

Ratcliffe: None.

Trump: Excellent… and this next one’s the biggy… do you ever find yourself caring about other people? Wanting to help them out?

Ratcliffe: I’m a right-wing radical from a wealthy Texas town, so… almost never.

Trump: Well, John, I’m the right guy to get you to “never.” A few months around me and you won’t even care about your own mother.

Ratcliffe: My mother passed away.

Trump: Hmm…  You know, I think my mother might be dead too. I’ll make a call.

Before the dumbfounded Ratcliffe could answer, Trump stood, shook his hand and said, “Welcome to the  Trump Swamp 2.0.”


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