Donald Trump, spreading darkness as only he can, has fostered a mood in the White House, which has been described as, “not quite as cheerful as the one on the Titanic.” With the Special Counsel closing in on him, Trump is now greatly exceeding his average of six tantrums a day.
His advisors wanted him to wear a helmet to protect his head when he loses control. Trump rejected the idea at first, but acquiesced when he was told he could put KKK stickers on it. Recent tantrums have seen him use his head to crash into walls, desks, trays of food and the hardest and most dangerous thing in the White House, Sarah Sanders. Trump was willing to try it, but nobody could find a helmet big enough to fit his head. The Oval Office is being padded.
So despondent is Trump that he often walks down to Stephen Miller’s office, which can easily be found by following the stench or the dead skin in the hall during molting season.
Trump, when he walks into the office, is often moved to tears by Miller’s Nazi memorabilia on the walls. He then calls, “Stephen” and Miller comes out of the closet. When Trump is done complaining about how misunderstood he is he walks out and Miller goes back into the closet.
The President’s terror has him eating more than ever. He’s gained so much weight that in his most recent fit of rage, he put his head down and ran into his own ass.
In order to be fair to the President, we feel he does deserve congratulations for making it into the Guinness Book of World Records. They have noted that in the history of mankind, nobody has ever been innocent of more things than Mr. Trump is. Asked to comment on this, he said, “I plan to be innocent of many more things before I leave the White House in 2028.”