It was recently made public that Trump Senior Delusion Advisor Kellyanne Conway was now receiving Secret Service protection.

Conway had been receiving threats by email and on Twitter. The FBI has determined that most of them came from people who know her.

The Secret Service told her to pick a code name that they could use for her. She considered “Grinning Idiot Who Lies,” but the agents told her that everyone would know they were talking about her, and besides, the name had to start with a “B.”

Unsure of what name to pick, she called her dear friend Ann Coulter for advice. Coulter had just returned home from the hospital where she volunteers her time as a testosterone donor.

Before discussing a code name, they commiserated with each other about how long it’s taking Donald Trump to totally ruin the country.

They didn’t come up with a name, but did trash every minority they could think of. After hanging up, Coulter sat down to a sumptuous lunch that included a six-bean salad and the entrails of former circus elephants.

Conway was racking her brain when two Secret Service agents entered her office needing to know what name she wanted to use.

In 1982 she had been chosen as New Jersey’s Blueberry Princess, just edging out Chris Christie. It is believed Christie’s chances of winning tanked after appearing in the swimsuit competition.

Conway decided to use “Blueberry” for her code name.

Back then, Conway’s star was just beginning to rise in the cutthroat world of fruit. She eventually became World Champion Blueberry Packer by cramming more of them into a small container than anyone else.

She reminisced about the good old days, feeling gratitude for being a great blueberry packer and just how much it has it has helped her political career. Swelling with pride, she told herself that absolutely no one can cram more lies in an interview than she can.



Ken Hecht