Donald Trump asked Mike Pence to join him for a secret meeting with Nancy Pelosi the following day. Pence balked at the idea, saying, “I really don’t want to, sir. She’s scary. Did you know her footprint’s still on your rear-end?”

Trump ignored the remark, instead responding, “Don’t be scared. I’ll have six Secret Service agents outside if she starts trouble. I’m sure they can take her… or at least fight her to a draw.”

Pence: Make it eight and I’m in.

The next day, Nancy Pelosi entered the Oval Office to find Trump behind his desk. She extended her hand as she approached, but Trump stopped her with, “Hold it right there, Dragon Lady. There’s now a six foot demilitarized zone around my desk.”

The Speaker mumbled, “Batshit crazy” under her breath before noticing Mike Pence, his legs closed tightly, fidgeting on a couch. “Are you okay, Mr. Pence?”

Pence: Yes, it just that these chastity belts can be so uncomfortable.

Pelosi: Why would you wear a chastity belt? You don’t have anything down there, worth protecting.

Trump chuckled.

Pelosi: Why don’t you ask Mr. Trump to loan you his? Oh, wait. I forgot. I have his at home. On the pool table.

Trump: Bitch… Now let’s cut to the chase. I want my wall. There’s a crisis at our border.

Pelosi: No there’s not, you delusional twit. But I may have an idea to break the impasse.

Trump: Oh, this ought to be good.

Pelosi: I propose putting up an eight-hundred mile shower curtain.

Trump was caught off guard and pondered this for a moment.

Trump: Can it be black?

Pelosi: Sure, but why?

Trump: Are you stupid? If it’s black, then no one can see into America. They won’t know where we are. No more illegals.

He reached for the phone.

Pelosi: What are you doing?

Trump: I’m calling Amazon and ordering the curtain rods right now.

She gave him a thumbs up.