World-renowned immunologist Donald Trump recently declared himself healed of Covid19. Personally, I feel that the virus has failed us.

This is a difficult time for Trump as the polls are telling him his time for destroying America is coming to an end. But before leaving, this mouse of a man has leveled a horrific broadside at the country by nominating Amy Coney Barrett to be the next justice of the Supreme Court.

Barrett suffers from the pre-existing condition of close-mindedness and gender bigotry. She claims that she doesn’t, but unfortunately, she once clerked for Antonin Scalia and is basically Scalia in a dress. Only less hairy.

Barrett taught Civil Procedure and Constitutional law at her alma mater, Notre Dame. While there, she became the first known case of a woman developing stigmata, which she got in her wood-working class. She failed the class when her professor discovered that her wooden Jesus had termites. Distraught, she had her balsawood Jesus tented. She remained inside the tent with it and to this day, shows no visible signs of the poison gas affecting her.

Trump was having trouble deciding on whom to pick until Barrett won the swimsuit competition.

Knowing that her appointment will keep her extremely busy helping Trump’s Supreme Court rocket America back to the 1950s, she plans to have three more children this weekend. She is praying mightily that this new batch of FBAs (Future Bigots of America) will be born without tails.