The Left Wing Gazette has just learned of a lawsuit being brought by “The Swamp” against Donald Trump. Among others named in Swamp V. Trump are Sarah Sanders, Lindsey Graham, Mitch McConnell, Kellyanne Conway and Rudy Giuliani.
Upon learning of the legal action, Giuliani called Trump and offered to represent him in court. Trump answered quickly, “Pass, Rudy. I’m hiring a competent lawyer for this one.” Rudy suggested, “Maybe Bob Barr could represent you.” Trump barked back, “I said a competent lawyer, not an ass licker lawyer, you boob.”
We requested an interview with The Swamp. They agreed and sent us their best known resident, The Creature From the Black Lagoon.
Us: It’s an honor to have you here, Creature.
Creature: F**k off… Sorry, ever since you clowns elected Trump, all of us in the Swamp have developed a bad case of Tourette’s. Blow me.
Us: We’re cool… What caused the Swamp to bring this suit?
Creature: We’ve had it with your imbecile leader giving us a bad name. His White House has more slimy things crawling out of it than our muck and mire ever did. More things ooze out of there than out of an open sore. Damn, I said I wasn’t going to talk about Don Jr. … Piss, shit.
US: You seem really outraged.
Creature: We all are. Look, we may be scum, filth, and bottom dwellers, but Sarah Sanders, Stephen Miller and Steve King… give me a break. Who wants to be associated with the likes of them?
Us: You don’t have anyone that bad down there?
Creature: Sure we do. Lots. Our worst is a snake named Donald that’s nasty, vile and so incompetent that he can’t shed his skin without giving himself hemorrhoids.
Us: Sounds awful.
Creature: It is. I mean, what you are supposed to do with a bloated viper that just swims around all day saying, “I’m a very stable reptile?”
Us: F**k, crap, bastard.