Donald Trump, having not had any fresh blood to drink since firing John Kelly, had been jonesing for it something awful. The Del Monte plasma he’d been drinking just wasn’t cutting it anymore. He needed a fresh body. Someone who had the nerve to say, “No” to him. New blood to imbibe and new flesh to toss on the large pile of corpses he’d already collected.

Trump, after cutting Kirstjen Nielson carotid artery with his Popiel Pocket Throat Slasher, enjoyed watching the White House hallways filled with blood once again. After scarfing down a platelet smoothie and feeling euphoric, Trump put on his Speedo, exited the Oval Office and belly- flopped onto the congealing red liquid.

Having heard about all the blood, Sarah Sanders rushed into the White House holding a straw.

The following day, Trump called an immigration meeting that was attended by Sanders, Stephen Miller and Lester Maddox who was on loan from hell.

Trump: Listen up everyone… We have to find the blonde girl’s replacement. I want someone who will appreciate the joy of separating parents and children at the border.

Sarah Sanders: Mr. President, while I enjoy feasting on people’s misery just as much as any of your religious supporters do, we did this before and it was very unpopular with the public. And even worse, it almost caused me to have a human emotion.

Trump: “Human emotion?” You? Gimme a break. Look, I want these kids and their parents separated the way the Saudi’s separated Jamal Khashoggi from his limbs.

Just then, an aide entered holding the mounted head of Kristjen Nielsen. Trump looked at it smiled and responded, “Put it on the wall between Rex Tillerson and Jeff Sessions… Okay folks, our immigration problem… Have they caught the Cisco Kid yet?”





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