BUSINESSMAN OF THE YEAR
Donald Trump, in order to distract from being found out as the worst businessman in the history of the world, will again embark on another of his pathetic ego boosting tours.
His favorite “Hate is Great Tour” was recently held in Ohio where he bragged to his followers about his latest award from Satan for being the greatest “fraud” in history since Milli Vanilli and Bernie Madoff.
Trump’s latest honor was achieved by telling over ten thousand lies in less than 2 years. As a reward, the Devil assured his bloated disciple that he will, upon Trump’s arrival in hell, furnish him with a death-time supply of idiots stupid enough to believe whatever comes out of his mouth. Even if it’s pieces of a Big Mac.
Lucifer also guaranteed Trump a never-ending stream of racist morons who will applaud his abuse of the English language and disassociated ramblings while continually praising his acts of Presidential cruelty.
Trump told the room that Satan greatly appreciates the way many of them have prostituted Jesus’s teachings to fit their hate-mongering. To accommodate these people, the Devil, as he awaits their arrival, will enlarge the Strom Thurmond wing of hell.
The applause was deafening.
The President then told everyone, “It’s the Democrats’ fault that Satan has gotten a bad rap for so long. The Devil is an inspiration to all people without morals or a conscience, which includes my entire family and everyone working in the White House, most especially Stephen Miller who I applaud for being the world’s leading self-hating Jew.”
Hearing the word, “Jew” the crowd began jumping around wildly and chanting, “Down with unleavened bread.” Several in the crowd tried nailing a piece of matzoh to a cross, but it kept breaking.
Prior to introducing Ted Nugent and his “Musical Hate Band,” and after lauding his own skills as a businessman, Trump left the stage and walked among his followers asking, “Can anyone loan me a few dollars?”