Multiple national polls show that a majority of Americas want Donald Trump to reveal his taxes. A majority of Americans also want him to spontaneously combust.

Trump claims that The New York Times is working in cahoots with the IRS. Trump once told CNN’s Chris Cuomo that he believes that the tax collectors may have it in for him because he’s a “Strong Christian.” Trump went on to say that his unshakable faith is derived from the Bible in the “Book of Capone,” which is the only sacred book that lets you connect the dots.

What Trump likes least in the Bible is “The Book of Shoop-Shoop,” which opens with “Beware the orange tax cheat, for he shall poison the soil and befoul your water supply.” The book goes on to impart further wisdom, stating, “If you want to know if he loves you so it’s in his kiss – that’s where it is.”

The Left Wing Gazette has obtained the first 26000 pages of the President’s 2012 tax return.

Trump claims his wife, sons Eric and Barron and daughter Ivanka as dependants. He claims Donald Jr. as a total loss. The IRS allowed the deduction, after genetic testing confirmed that Don Jr. came from the part of the gene pool that little children pee in.

Trump claimed charitable deductions of twelve-million dollars. All but forty-seven dollars were disallowed. The forty-seven dollars were actually donated to the Kellyanne Conway Home for Grinning Idiots.

The IRS is still deciding if Trump can deduct his Agent Orange Tanning Cream.

Trump has always been a big fan of both Sarin gas and Agent Orange.  Being a more deadly carcinogenic than either of those, he has recently said he’d like to drop the Vietnam-era weapon on Iran.

This week’s acting Secretary of Defense has informed Trump that all stockpiles of Agent Orange were destroyed after the war. He suggested that if Trump wanted to use a highly toxic bomb, he should drop himself on Iran.

The American Farm Association is urging him to do so.


Ken Hecht

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